Joyous Journey

I haven't felt comfortable writing on here. I have experienced so much over the past few months and my ponderings have been very personal. There are however a few thoughts from the lessons I am learning that I thought I would share with you all. This is a part of a personal journey I am going on so if these do not resonate with you, it is ok.

-You can't share life if you don't have it. When my life became increasingly confusing a couple of years ago, I realized I started acting out a life that I desperately wanted inside of me.Unfortunately, the outside actions did not change my heart. As I started "wising up" and being honest with myself, I slowly backed away from the ministries I had been a part of and focused on healing. Since so much healing has come, I have realized that out of a healing heart comes the life. Now, I desire to share my life, I can't help but serve and share what has been given to me. It is honest, it isn't acting or performing. It is me.

-Every relationship begins with a stranger. It is hard for me to believe that my best friend and I were once strangers. I remember where we met and the awkward conversations we had. It took time to get to know her. Now, I can't imagine life without her. I have found the same to be true of the Lord. My relationship with Him was broken over some distrust, confusion and pain that grew in my heart. The only way my relationship with the Lord has come to a peaceful place is in me not expecting to immediately want to spend hours studying the Bible or praying. The peace has come with one minute here with the Lord and four minutes there. I feel the Lord pursuing and the time I want to spend with Him is greatly increasing. I am on that journey to the best friend relationship again.

-Just as my relationship with each of my friends is unique, God's relationship with each of us is unique. God has different timing and ways of revealing who He is and His truth to us. One of my pains from my past had to do with the name of God and Bible verses used in abusive ways towards me. I am watching my life and seeing how the Holy Spirit has gently been showing me the value of the Bible and giving me a love for it. Some may find it absurd that there are days I hate it and I want to throw my Bible across the room but slowly in my unique romance with the Lord, I am coming back to it. I love having special moments with the Lord that only He knows the whole context of. This also takes off the pressure of the strain of trying to apply every sermon I hear in a week to my life or the expectations others have for me. I can be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and focus on the things He highlights.

My friends, He has been so faithful to me. I am in a very joyous time in life right now. I don't know how often I will post because of it. I am appreciating life and living it instead of being near the computer. :-)