1st post

I am sipping on my coffee and I decided that on this rainy afternoon, I would share with you some of the thoughts I have been treasuring in my heart as of late. Actually, I am not even going to do most of the talking. I am going to let a writer with far superior communication tools, do the sharing.

"This world [the Kingdom of God], this reality, revealed by God speaking to us, is not the kind of world to which we are accustomed. It is not a neat and tidy world in which we are in control - there is mystery everywhere that takes considerable getting used to, and until we do it scares us. It is not a predictable, cause-effect world in which we can plan our careers and secure our futures - there is miracle everywhere that upsets us no end, except for the occasions when the miracle is in our favor. It is not a dream world in which everything works out according to our adolescent expectations -there is suffering and poverty and abuse at which we cry out in pain and indignation, "You can't let this happen!" For most of us it takes year and years and years to exchange our dream world for the real world of grace and mercy, sacrifice and love, freedom and joy."

"Virtually everything human is appropriate material for prayer: reflections and observations, fear and anger, guilt and sin, questions and doubts, needs and desires, praise and gratitude, suffering and death...prayer is an offering of ourselves, just as we are." 

(Both Quotes by Eugene Peterson)

The other day, I took a piece of notebook paper. On that paper I wrote down all of it. I wrote down my doubts, my confusions, my anger, my sin, my hope, my beliefs, my thanksgiving and who I knew God to be. I did it in the midst of prayer. I did it IN FRONT of the Lord. It dawned on me. That is life. That is MY life.

It was much easier to admit everything to others (e.g. confessing my sin) when I kept in mind that I was acknowledging what the Lord already knew. I wrote down my life and invited God into it. I want to be a part of God's reality but the only way that is possible is if I also look at Heather's reality. The two realities don't fit that well right now but I know if I continue to live my life in front of God acknowledging and experiencing the highs and lows, the clarity and confusion with the Lord, I may just be surprised at how my life starts to be transformed and God starts to invade that reality.

This is a new way of life for me and honestly, it is very freeing.